You must have heard that the narcissist hates his mother, maybe he’s the one who told you, or you heard him in the back. In reality there is something true at the bottom of this statement, such an attitude takes place mainly in Covert Narcissism, the hidden one. But why does this happen? Read on to find out more.
Narcissist Hates His Mother Because She Made Her Growth Difficult
Well, yes. That’s the main reason. We have already talked about the various types of narcissism, and in the case of Covert we have said that these people tend to seem closed and so shy. Talking to them will give you the feeling of having to deal with gentle souls and who have suffered so much.
That last note is true! The Covert has usually suffered a lot, to understand better we have to go back to when he was just a child, to when he was circa 7/8 years old.
In this period of his life, he was forming. He began to communicate with his peers and to confront them. Kids are like sponges, and he was like that, too. So much so that he could realize how little effort his friends took to receive a compliment, a new toy or just a look more from their parents.
For the little Narcissus, however, this was not the case. His mother (but also his father) often made him feel isolated, alone and set aside. So what was the only way to attract their attention? Put yourself in sight and do everything to please them.
The fight for attention
The narcissist developed the disorder around that age and often in situations similar to these. He was a child who wanted the same attention as the other playmates, but he was not given this care because his parents were too busy.
This does not mean that they were heartless selfish, but only the fact of being very tired or angry with life could play its part. So Narcissus, to get their attention, tried to study a lot, maybe, or to do the sport that his parents wanted so much. I mean, anything to get “good” said.
Too bad he knows how complex it was to get that kind of attention. To do so, he had to work hard and analyze everything that could be appreciated by his mother and father. And it is precisely here that growing up he has become a master of seduction that enchants and seeks those attentions that he has never had from his prey.
But the relationship with them won’t last long, he doesn’t know how to do it! He knows how to get what he wants, but no one has ever taught him to cultivate all these benefits over time. The compliments he received from his parents lasted a few seconds and his efforts could take months or years! That’s why it’s easier to look for different victims. Leaning on them can have the nourishment he needs when he wants, but especially as much as he wants.
Narcissist Hates His Mother Because He Didn’t Help Him Follow His Heart
Little Narcissus at an early age certainly had his dreams to realize and expectations. Maybe he wanted to be a fireman or a doctor, no matter if he wanted to be Superman. In the end, he could never fully believe in those dreams, because for his mother or father they would not be realistic.
So, if the narcissist grew up with a parent who forced his hand a little too much to make him follow the path that he thought was right, then he will have awakened in the child an immense anger. As an adult, in fact, he will find himself in a situation that he does not like, and he will have done so only to get those attentions that were so missing from his parents. To get “good” even if he didn’t follow his dream.
So, even at work, he’s going to be a hard colleague to handle. He’ll try to compete to get confirmation from the boss or he’ll go for a career. He wants all that attention he’s missed now returned to him.
Obviously, his condition makes him very unhappy. He won’t be able to love properly because he doesn’t know how to do it and his life will have already been written by someone else. How hard can it be to live like this?
Should a narcissist be pitied?
Pity yes, we shouldn’t feel compelled to be with him. Often the temptation of those who come into contact with a narcissist Covert is to play the part of the hen and help him. To take the place of the mother who gave him no attention, and then commit to trying to restore his happiness.
A prey, a partner in a relationship with a narcissist, can’t take the trouble to try to get him out of this tunnel. On the contrary, it will be the narcissist who will drag all the people around him ever further down. The solution? You can try to tell him he needs help, you can hope he listens to you, but you don’t have to take on the scale of this situation.
A narcissist can be cured, but only if he wants it, like everyone else, so just sigh, move on.