Gaslighting in narcissism is a form of mind manipulation that is implemented to bend the victim to the wishes of those who implement it. The feeling of discomfort and inadequacy that usually pervades those who suffer it leads to states of depression or anxiety. That’s why it’s important to recognize all the stages, to learn how to defend yourself.
What is the meaning of Gaslighting in Narcissism?
This is a mental manipulation that can instill doubt in the victim’s mind. The latter is questioned and confused by conflicting attitudes on the part of the narcissist.
The aim is to remove the victim in order to be able to take back their spaces without explaining the reasons related to this attitude. Otherwise, punish her for acting in a way not appreciated by the narcissist (which does not mean wrong), thus creating a situation of frustration and malaise.
Gaslighting Narcissism: Examples
In order to recognize such manipulation in a timely manner and to limit the damage, it is necessary to have clear what are the techniques used to implement it. Here are the most common examples:
- Make the victim doubt. It is one of the most widely used techniques, and the mechanism is as simple as destructive. In fact, all you have to do is make her hesitate about what actually happened and then denied. For example, recriminating her of having understood/seen something that according to the narcissist never existed, when instead the fact happened!
- Offending the victim in front of other people. The fact of making her feel wrong and unsuitable only reinforces the command of the narcissist. Here those who suffer this kind of attitude will start to think that they are really inadequate in the eyes of others and will tend increasingly to avoid social contexts.
- General and unjustified offenses. It is important to understand that sometimes offenses are really without any kind of foundation and are only used to inflate the ego of the narcissist who puts them into action. If, for example, the victim discovered something that the narcissist did not want him to find out or made him feel inadequate (even for good), here he will try to punish her in a way that is 100 times stronger.
- Silences alternated with flattery. Silence is usually used as a kind of weapon to try both to punish the victim and to make her addicted. The latter in fact will try in every way to have an exchange with the narcissist who, unfortunately, will never come. But when the person in question stops asking for attention, the narcissist will begin to flatter her and make her feel “loved”. Also, it may also happen that he tries to pass the whole phase of silence as a huge misunderstanding by the prey.
These, however, are just some of the attitudes that are put in place, certainly the most common. Each manipulator is to himself and could use different ones, what unites them is the ultimate aim, that is to make those who suffer them feel unfit and submissive.
Common behavior of Gaslighting victims
As you may have guessed, the narcissist or manipulator is able to show cold attitudes and devoid of any kind of empathy. They’re very self-centered individuals who just want to look better, no matter who they’re around.
The victim will therefore feel empty, confused and often disoriented, also the most common behavior is related to submission, followed closely by shame and fear because the manipulator is always able to show himself as a lifeblood. But how does he do it? Simply by making the prey feel unfit to the world and “born” only by him.
Of course, that’s not true! It’s just a form of mind manipulation, even quite cruel! Who makes a mistake is not who suffers but who annihilates people in this way only to give nourishment to his destroyed ego.
Never believe those who want to belittle you, never let yourself be treated as if you were worthless, because it is precisely those who carry out this kind of behavior that make a mistake. And those who suffer it must necessarily defend themselves and get out as soon as possible.
How to defend yourself?
The victim can hardly realize how heavy this kind of abuse is. You enter an emotional state of survival that involves only endurance and resignation. These feelings must not exist in a healthy relationship!
To defend against gaslighting, it is advisable to start asking for an external opinion and rely on people who could shed light on this kind of discomfort. Your friends and family will surely be able to help you shed some light on the situation you are experiencing. However, they should not be replaced by a psychologist who can help you out of the tunnel, limiting its consequences.
Resources:
- https://www.healthline.com/health/gaslighting/
- https://www.nbcnews.com/better/health/what-gaslighting-how-do-you-know-if-it-s-happening-ncna890866
