The narcissist comes back only when, in most cases, the victim gives him a glimmer of hope. Narcissus returns are characterized by the need to receive more nourishment from the victim or worse still use it to triangulate with the next prey. Let’s find out what the reasons are and how to manage them.
Why does the narcissist always come back?
When the narcissist comes back, it’s because he knows he can still have power over the victim, or at least he comes back to find out. The reasons can be many, but in any case they are never of noble views. Here are what they could be:
- Triangulate with another victim: When he does not find any new energy source to make the current victim jealous, he tries to go back to understand if the previous preys are still willing to be “courted” by him. They don’t usually make things clear right away by saying they already have another partner, and in case the victim knows about it. They’ll use phrases like, “You know, I think you’re the only one that’s special to me…” or the like. The goal is to get the person to give in to be part of his scheme of action.
- They feel alone: Life and karma do not always allow them to have enough nourishment to feel “full”. The circumstances may be different, a change of job, a transfer or any other condition that does not allow the narcissist to have new fuel in the shortest possible time. Then how to do it? Coming back from the old flames. Here they usually play on victimhood, so they will say they feel abandoned, alone, that they do not know anyone and in some cases even scared. Which, in a sudden or drastic lifestyle change, may make sense, but the second goal is to recruit victims
- Understanding if they still have power: When relationships with the narcissist end, one might think that it never comes back. In fact, almost ultimately will come back! This is because he loves it when the attention is completely focused on him, and the fact that someone somewhere in the world is thinking it gives him a very strong feeling of greatness. In attention to this detail, every time he knows that the victim wants him he will not be found, on the contrary, when this stops giving input, he will reappear to know if he still has power.
How many times does he come back?
There’s no precise number of times, it could be a hundred, like ten, like one. Meanwhile, we make a deep distinction, there are narcissists who have very strong psychological problems and often turn into stalkers. These subjects must be avoided, blocked and at worst removed with the help of law enforcement.
When it comes to ordinary narcissists, therefore, not dangerous subjects. We can say that their returns are dictated by how much importance the victim gives him. If, for example, they come back for a while and the partner in question accepts them and then, when they disappear, the victims do not start looking for them assiduously. Here comes a second return. This pattern can be repeated countless times.
On the contrary, the return of Narcissus could take place only once, only if the victim decides to reject it. Here he will try to implement some different technique to break her down, but if he sees that he has no room to maneuver, he will simply let go and go looking for some other prey.
When the narcissist stops looking for you completely, it means that he really understood that there are no more obstacles and that is what we must hope for! In fact, this will be the moment when you can turn your life around once and for all.
How to treat a returning narcissist?
The ideal would be to avoid bringing him back into one’s life. He should not feel anger or joy in the victim’s eyes and words. As much as they may be emotionless individuals, they have an extreme sensitivity to sensing the feelings the other person experiences. So, if on his return he sees that the victim is happy or angry, little changes, he knows that he still feels something and happiness or anger, even if opposed, are strong feelings. So he knows he still has power.
Better to be indifferent, to deny his presence and tell him that you no longer have any interest in proceeding with a new affective approach. His reaction will be a bit dismayed. He will wonder how he lost all this power and almost certainly try to hoover the victim claiming to be changed or with moments of pure victimhood. These attitudes must not be rewarded, they must not feel any kind of satisfaction about it, and they will gradually move away on their own.
In case Narcissus insists it is a good idea to start with an iron fist starting to block the phone number, change it if necessary, delete him from social network and take away all the power he possesses. Sometimes you also have to warn your mutual friends and make them aware of everything to prevent them from leaking information about you. When he realizes he’s bumping into a rubber wall, at some point he’ll be gone.