The narcissistic discard comes just after the devaluation phase. It is a very schematic action, in fact during the devaluative phase it tends to make the victim feel “wrong” and as if it were a real punishment abandons him. Let us find out how to manage this stage of the relationship and, above all, how to get out of it effectively.
The silence of the narcissist after the discard
Let’s start at the beginning. When the narcissist decides to discard his victims he begins to use a technique also known as punitive silence or treatment of silence. In short, he doesn’t make himself heard, he doesn’t let himself be traced, in the most serious cases he blocks the victim and obviously he doesn’t show up.
The problem with this behavior is that it happens without any kind of explanation, or rather, without any kind of satisfactory explanation. The victim, in fact, in the phase of devaluation will surely have tried to recover the recoverable, looking for communication and comparison. These obviously will never have arrived and in case some reply has been received, it was certainly not the decisive one.
Unfortunately, that’s what Narcissus wanted to do. That is, not to be heard or seen, and not because he wants to start a new life, but because he wants to exercise further power over his victim.
How to react to the narcissist’s discard?
As said, the narcissist wants the victim to be dependent on him even when he is not present. This means that he did his job in the best possible way by becoming a very powerful ascendant. But then how should the victim react? What’s the best way not to succumb to this kind of behavior?
Simply ignoring. One should not give the narcissist the satisfaction that he has succeeded, even if in most cases he always succeeds. We must not point he out to them, we must not look for him and we must use every means of communication carefully.
Be careful to block it on social networks
This is a very delicate button, it is correct to block it on social or WhatsApp to limit in any way the contact with him. But you only have to do it when you’re sure you can! If for example it is blocked and after a few months unlocked because you feel the nostalgia or any other reason that leads to this action, you are giving it an unparalleled power.
It’s like serving his dignity on a silver platter, he’ll use it again to prostrate the victim, and he’s pushing his hand a little harder. So, to block it and delete it completely from social media you have to be sure to do it, otherwise better not do it. You can use other methods such as the function to hide its updates or the function of facebook “take a break”. He will not notice anything and the victim will be “saved”.
How long does the narcissist discard?
There’s not a number of days or even a time frame. But we can say with certainty that the narcissist is a rather impatient type when he has no attention, so unless he is already triangulating with some other person, he might for very little time. Obviously to see the first signs of the return of the narcissist you have to act with the No Contact, otherwise if you notice that there is still a state of addiction on the part of the victim, does not return.
In the event that he has another person from whom he finds nourishment the times could lengthen. Months, years can pass… It depends! He only comes back when he needs attention and wants to test out who still has power.
The return of the narcissist after the discard
If all goes well, then the victim has not been heard, has not sent snipes and has shown to get away perfectly without him. So the narcissist comes back and how does he do it? It could be a phone call, even after a long time, a message during some holiday, or it could just happen to be somewhere near the victim. He always finds a way…
It is certain that his returns are often painful for the victim. Moreover, when they return, they do so with absolute lightness. Belittling the event, especially the negative parts, and exalting only the beautiful ephemeral moments. It is obvious that here the victim should categorically avoid any form of contact and send away Narcissus before it is too late. This is because his return is never for repentance, but only for personal interest, and very often reuses the old flames to triangulate at the expense of the new victim.
When the narcissist is discarded by the victim
Here it is the triumph of the victim! At some point it seems that things have turned around, that the victim has finally regained control of his life and has decided to discard the narcissist!
Sending away a narcissist is an obligation not to suffer again and to realize that it must be done without him. Besides, waiting and hoping it’s changed is utopian. The narcissist is suffering from a psychological disorder that does not allow him to feel and, if not properly treated by an expert, he will never change.
The victim must necessarily take back the broken pieces, put them back together, and get away from him. The latter, will make a few more attempts to approach again with the victim. He will then let go by going after some other victim only when he realizes that he can no longer do anything else to change things.
Resources:
- https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/idealize-devalue-discard-the-dizzying-cycle-of-narcissism-0325154
- https://narcwise.com/2019/02/15/signs-narcissist-preparing-discard/
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