Emotional Manipulator: All You Need to Know

The emotional manipulator falls into that category of people masters of opportunism and that to get where they want do not make many scruples. In this article we discover all the facets of a manipulator, and we will try to understand what may be the best defense strategies!

Emotional manipulator or narcissist? They are not always the same

An emotional manipulator may have narcissistic traits, but he’s not necessarily a narcissist. On the contrary, a narcissistic manipulator possesses both traits, and that is where they differ.

It is important to know this difference because who is suffering from narcissistic disorder is in effect a person with a behavioral problem: the narcissist does not choose to behave in a certain way, he does so because for him there is no other choice.

Instead, a person who manipulates to have an advantage without having suffered a trauma at the base or having a full-blown disorder must follow a different psychotherapeutic path. Obviously to diagnose this difference you need an expert but, even we in our small way, we can learn to recognize the distinctive traits of the manipulator.

How to recognize an emotional manipulator?

The emotional manipulator doesn’t know how to be empathetic, he stomps on other people’s feelings to get what he wants. He does not look anyone in the face when it comes to maneuvering someone: colleagues, partners, parents, brothers or sisters can all become eligible victims.

He knows how to play with the guilt of those in front of him, to remain impassive in front of his behavior is very difficult. Study your targets carefully to find out what to aim for and go for sure.

Initially the manipulator shows himself as harmless, even friendly or in love, so as to win your trust and make sure that you let go completely in his presence.

He will then go from filling you with compliments and making you feel essential to then use a contrary attitude of one moment. The manipulator has no qualms under any circumstances, he also uses very sensitive information about you and manages to make veiled threats about the possible consequences of not respecting what he said.

Blackmail is frequent and almost always passed off as something you should do for your own good, while he is the only one to benefit from it. He’s a very good liar to get what he wants.  To make you feel understood he can invent stories in which, for example, he apologizes for his behavior, inventing to be afraid of your attitudes because of some of his past traumas. Often, they are just methods to smooth the situation and prepare the ground for a perfectly created manipulation.

Am I an emotional manipulator?

Many times, in order to get where we want, we have to think that we want to manipulate someone, but if you’re wondering, “Am I an emotional manipulator?” It’s already a good sign, because it means that if you’re wondering, you’re probably empathy enough not to be.

Here are the main characteristics of an emotional manipulator:

• He feels unwarranted jealousy towards anyone who is more successful than others, including family and partners.
• He often lies to convince people to do what benefits them.
• Don’t worry about hurting the feelings of those around you to succeed.
• A narcissist thinks it’s normal to have to convince other people that he’s the best at everything.
• Also, He seduces people into trusting him and trusting him with information they’ll use against them.
• Narcissus instills guilt in people to do what he says.
• He tends to isolate people so that they depend on him.
• He feels compelled to constantly question or belittle people judged more competent or brilliant than him.

How to spot an emotional manipulator?

To spot him, you have to put the emotional manipulator in a corner and force him to show himself for what he is.

Yes, but how to do it?

Basically, saying “No” already helps to curb the demands that will put you in front of you. Besides, even if it’s not always easy, trying to tell him how you feel might trigger some guilt. But this does not happen in all affective manipulators, it happens by chance. Some people have no empathy at all, so they can hardly understand how you feel.

He will probably try to convince you that you misinterpreted his intentions, and this is the decisive moment when you have to be convinced of what you think about him. Don’t be aggressive either, show calm but decided so that you understand that you won’t back down a single step.

Seeing you strong and with full confidence should be able to make him come out and finally be able to remove his beloved mask!

How to Deal with an Emotional Manipulator?

To deal with an emotional manipulator, think carefully about your choices because he will probably try to anticipate your every move. The manipulators know how to understand people’s intentions and, even if they totally ignore their feelings, they understand when their victim tries to take control of the situation, overturning it.

If you want to repay him with his own coin, using the manipulative techniques he uses against you, you must first analyze it thoroughly and see if they could really have the desired effect.

For example, you can get away from him, be elusive, even go off the grid from time to time. This will at least leave him unarmed, since it’s a definitely unusual attitude on your part. But you have to make him believe that you’ve really lost interest in him and not that it’s just a technique to destabilize him.

How to put a manipulator in their place?

To put a manipulator in his place, you must first of all keep your distance: if you can’t completely detach yourself, at least try to be available as little as possible and not to run every time he looks for you. You need to be independent and let him know that your life is fine without him!

You can also use other techniques, such as focusing on non-verbal language and adopting closed attitudes towards it by limiting to a minimum even casual physical contact.

It shows that you can have many interests and that there are other people who fill your days and make you feel good. This will make him realize that he doesn’t have total control over you, and therefore, it will hurt his ego.

How to stop an emotional manipulator?

If you want to stop an emotional manipulator, you have to make him sick of you.

This means making himself boring in his eyes, not giving him rope and especially not giving him satisfaction. You have to act like everything’s slipping on you and being indifferent. Seeing that he no longer has power over you will probably lead him to look for other people he can manipulate to give him the right satisfaction.

The manipulator in fact acts exclusively to please himself and have control over everything. Another way to stop him, it is to put it in competition with other people: since it will most likely not hold the comparison being just a facade his supposed perfection will prefer to completely close bridges with you!

How break up with an emotional manipulator

To break up with an emotional manipulator, the first rule is to learn again to say no. It seems obvious but when you live a relationship of this kind you tend to always please to avoid retaliation and quarrels. You will have started with small renouncements such as not seeing a specific person or not wearing some types of clothing and then undergo an increasingly pressing check.

It is important not to be subjugated by this attitude and in case better to close all contact and disappear. Only this will really let you out of this vice.

Is there a way to put him down?

To be able to destroy an emotional manipulator is really to make him feel all the emotions he shuns, especially feelings of guilt and jealousy.

These feelings will make him vulnerable and may even give him a hint of empathy. You have to play smart and be careful that you do not manipulate yourself, it is essential not to let him understand your plans and do everything gradually, that seems casual.

Of course, this is not the best choice, revenge will not free you from the manipulator, may even trigger feelings of guilt for your behavior and lead you to tie yourself to him even more for having caused him pain.

The best solution is always to get away without trying to hurt others. In fact, hurting someone who in turn tries to hurt others will not make you better than him. Better to move on.

How to Forget an Emotional Manipulator?

Manipulators are always hard to forget. The manipulator leaves a kind of scar inside you that can become less and less evident but never disappear.

To forget you must, at least in the early days, not even have time to think about it. So don’t be alone or you’ll end up brooding all the time or contacting him. Invite friends, start new activities and try to find human contacts, in person, and not just virtual.

Try to do all those things you’ve always wanted but for boredom or its limitations you never realized. It’s important that you find out whom you can be when you’re not under his pressure and you can express yourself without limits.

Savor freedom, feel adrenaline, get attached to new people: these are the secrets to forget it completely!

Is there a way to cure him?

Treating an emotional manipulator requires therapy. Do not trust those who say they have miraculous remedies to do so, only a competent person can and is not an easy path.

The main problem is that you cannot force someone to make a journey of this kind also because he absolutely does not think he has a problem and therefore this need. The only way is to try and convince him that it’s the best choice for his well-being.

How to help him?

If you really want to help the manipulator, the first thing to do is to understand that he is a person who needs help and this help, as we said before, can not come from you.

Forget the games and manipulations, if you really care about him trying to make him suffer or jealous is not the right way and will only risk making his situation even more critical.

You have to aim for him to discover his feelings, to make him understand what he does to the people around him and hope that he moves something, which is not necessarily the case.

Once you have convinced him that maybe he is pushing his hand with attitudes that are not pleasant to others, then you can try to make him understand that the help of a therapist is a good choice to start over.

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Resources:

• https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/signs-emotional-manipulation#:~:text=Emotional%20manipulation%20occurs%20when%20a,or%20even%20victimize%20someone%20else.
• https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/emotional-manipulation
• https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/red-flags-are-you-being-emotionally-manipulated-0917197