Manipulative narcissist: What are his secrets?

Manipulative narcissist falls into that category of people who are able to subjugate anyone who gets close to him. It could be a friend, a parent or even a colleague. It doesn’t change much, the situations in which you could meet him are multiple but the intentions will always be the same. Let’s get to know him better and see how to handle him.

Who’s the manipulative narcissist?

As mentioned above, the manipulative narcissist is a subject who suffers from the narcissistic personality disorder in a very pronounced way, in technical terms we speak of pathology. These kinds of people try to control others through mind manipulation, their purpose is to get everything they want.

How to recognize a manipulative narcissist?

Their attitude is almost always the same in every situation. For this to recognize it will not be too difficult, more than anything the real difficulty will be to be able to get rid of it if and when you fall into their network.

Usually a manipulative narcissist wants:

• Succeed in life in general. He loves to feel venerated and desired, for example as a leader he wants to appear the best and as a lover he wants to feel the only one.
• See others fulfill their every request. They want it all and they want it now, no matter by what means, if they can get something with the slightest effort better yet. And that’s why they’re going to try to manipulate the people next door into getting their hands dirty for them.
• He only does favors to receive. If a narcissist does you a favor, you can be sure he’ll want another hundred in return. You’ll never catch up with them, and most importantly, they’ll make you dependent on them. It will become a vicious circle from which it is very difficult to get out.
• They want the attention. Regardless of how they are and even if they may appear as extremely confident people about them, they actually have very big emotional holes that make them deeply insecure. And that is why they seek approval in every way.

Manipulative narcissist in love

In love the manipulative narcissist makes himself an indisputable seducer. It is perhaps one of the most common fields in which to find him. The reason is simple, since he was a child he learned how to please others and with what means to do it, so for him to seduce and manipulate someone is a breeze.

He usually looks for people who might be addicted and hang on to his lips. His lifestyle is equal to that of an energetic vampire, in essence he wants at all costs to have more victims from which to draw nourishment and his attitude is really very schematic.

Here are the main phases of the narcissist:

• Love bombing: Here Narcissus makes the partner feel special, the courtship is perfect and he shows himself as a unique person of his kind. Be careful, this does not mean that you have to make gestures, but simply show yourself a great seducer and suitor.
• Triangulation: After he has made the victim addicted, here he will look for another and here he will repeat the love bombing, will continue until he has enough people to leverage. Very often these are not aware of the others.
• Gaslighting: This phase is not always used by narcissists. But at the same time, it is the one that most prefers the manipulative narcissist! Why? Because it’s a very powerful manipulative strategy, which consists of instilling doubts in the victim by making her believe that she is overly doubtful of Narcissus. Usually, the prey reacts then with attitudes of submission and affective dependence, feeling unfit and wrong.
• Devaluation: At this stage, after the prey will be totally hung by the lips of the narcissist, here is that he with skillful cunning will move away. This phase is called devaluative for the simple fact that he will be tired of the game, he will have obtained everything he wanted and at this point can not do anything else but look for other stimuli elsewhere.
• Discard: We are at the final stage, the manipulative narcissist gets completely tired and discards his prey. So here’s what’s gonna slowly disappear and never show up again.

After discarding usually it is hoped that this kind of toxic relationship is really over, but usually it is never so. In fact, you might see him come back just to see if he still has power over the victim.

Does the affective manipulative narcissist always come back?

Generally yes! He comes back often and often even after years. They are a little reminiscent of children under this view, in fact when a child no longer wants a toy, he leaves it in the corner of the room. But when he realizes that someone might steal it or play it for him, then he wants it back immediately. No matter how much time has elapsed or who is the person who wants to play for him, he will do anything to regain control.

Too bad children do it for reasons far more innocent than those of the narcissist. In fact, his returns are driven by the fear of no longer having control over a person or even worse if this has managed to make a life and fall in love with someone who respects her under every circumstance.

An emotional manipulator does not want his prey to be happy because the envy that pervades him is so great. He knows perfectly well that he can’t be happy properly because of his disorder, so he tries to get his victims back on track.

And often it succeeds! For this reason we must avoid falling into their net, before it is too late. If you’re in doubt that you’re dealing with a manipulative narcissist and you don’t know how to get out of it, maybe the help of a psychologist could be your thing.

Narcissistic friend: More difficult to recognize?

Yes. Even a friend could be a manipulator. They are much more difficult to recognize because they act much more quietly than love relationships, so there will be no love bombing, much less all the various stages described above.

The friend usually approaches the victim because he has something that he doesn’t have or needs a particular favor that only that particular person can give him. In short, as we said at the beginning never does anything for nothing. Opportunism is the master!

If you don’t know how to recognize him, you can just notice his attitudes. If, for example, he often asks you for favors, but when there is something to reciprocate, he disappears, it could be a real wake-up call. But the worst is when he’s too nice, without asking for anything in return.

Striking attitudes that make him look like a benefactor have a double effect on his manipulative narcissist friend. In fact, they will serve to inflate his ego to make him feel better than others but above all, thanks to the “principle of reciprocity”, explained by Robert Cialdini and often used in marketing, “we are more likely to say yes after we have obtained something”.

How does that relate to narcissism? If your manipulative friend is simply doing you a favor that you didn’t ask for, how could you say no to a big favor that he will ask for in return? You’d look like a very rude person if you did.

Narcissistic Manipulator Friend: How to Get Out?

It will be very difficult to find, but not impossible. When you realize you’re dealing with a person who’s too nice in a suspicious way and you have a sense of opportunism, maybe you should commit to keeping her as far away as possible.

Don’t talk about your weaknesses and dreams, he might use them against you. If you have things to work out or a job to do, you might be excited to participate, which wouldn’t be a bad thing if your ulterior motive wasn’t to have something in return that few people would lend themselves to. The only solution is to appear indifferent and uninteresting to his eyes, so he will look elsewhere.

Narcissistic husband: Why do you decide to get married?

The narcissistic husband is really a big headache, because you bond with a person who has no empathy whatsoever. He is extremely insensitive and tries to control his partner. Betrayals will be a common attitude, as well as the fact of feeling belittled and not at all wanted by him.

Many people wonder if people suffering from this disorder at some point get married. Let’s say there is a prey, also defined as the favorite of the narcissist, who has particular characteristics that convince a narcissist to marry.

Mainly they point to women who are sensitive, in need of affection and attention and who have an attitude to transform their loved one as the center of their world. Basically, the narcissistic husband will have put a woman in the house for life who will accept it no matter what I do.

But this is not a way to share a relationship with a person in a healthy way. On the contrary, there is a risk of creating great suffering that will lead to states of sadness and even depression in the most serious cases.

How to leave a narcissistic husband?

Starting from the fact that no one should live such a relationship, it is appropriate to know that there is a way out! Many women or partners of narcissists feel unable to “find better”, when in reality even being alone is much better than having such a relationship.

To leave a manipulative narcissist, you need to find the courage first of all to understand that he can never do good to your mental serenity, but also that the world is full of people who could make you feel better. First steps to being able to get rid of it, consist in starting to create a kind of emotional independence, learn to be alone and do anything without him.

The early days will be difficult, especially since he will always try to be in control. Goal is to get out of his grip. In case the situation becomes exhausting or difficult to control is a good move to ask for help from a psychologist, which case by case will be able to give all the necessary advice to regain your serenity.

Narcissistic Father: How do you make family life difficult?

A narcissistic father could be one of the main causes of the various problems in the family, both among siblings and with the mother. A narcissistic father in fact is able to create great family feuds without the slightest problem of having to stop them.

Usually such a father tends to instruct male children to devalue women, treats the wife in subtle ways and therefore confuses the way of thinking of a child who as an adult could develop other types of disorders. As with any manipulator, even the narcissist father feels the need to turn his children into objects to achieve his goals.

He will try to reward the son who, in order to satisfy him, would do anything and instead aim at the one who, on the contrary, disagrees with the father. So as the children grow up, there will be a lot of fights between them and some will defend the father who in a masterful way was able to show himself as the “perfect father”, from which to take example.

Narcissistic Mother: What makes her different from her father?

A narcissistic mother is also capable of making her children’s lives very difficult. She shows herself as a very cold woman, who does not give any kind of satisfaction. The children growing up will struggle to receive a compliment and above all will develop a low self-esteem.

It is not a simple condition, in many cases it may happen that children do not know how to live without the mother. That’s because you’re going to try to make them dependent on you to make sure they comply with all your demands.

Not to mention the way they tend to isolate themselves from the world. Unfortunately, the narcissistic mother always tends to make the children feel unimportant and not to praise any kind of success in the child, who growing up will feel in difficulty with her peers and for this reason will tend to be isolated so as not to be further injured.

Narcissistic parents: How can children face them?

Unfortunately, the parent is not a partner from which you can loosen up in a “simpler” way. In addition, parents accompany the growth of children from an early age to an adult, which can only make things worse. But luckily, everything is solvable thanks to the help of a psychotherapist able to resurrect all the pain that this kind of relationship has created.

Surely it is not an easy step to take, also because those who grew up in these situations have now learned to live with it, but they are nodes that must necessarily be dissolved and that will be able to bring some relief in their lives.

Narcissistic Coworker: When even at work there is no escape

You could also deal with a narcissist at work and even in this situation you have to understand how to find a certain balance to not jeopardize your days.

A coworker like that manages to be a very competitive enemy, able to blame other colleagues for getting rewards from the boss. He wants to try to appear in any way, loves prestige and will try to make his way in any condition. It is not uncommon to see him make other colleagues look bad or “steal” customers to appear better than others.

They are all attitudes that in the long run lead those who work with us to exasperate! For this reason it is necessary to try to keep it away. Once you recognize him you should avoid giving him too much confidence, not talking to him or doing so as little as possible might save you from any inconvenience.

In case there have already been problems, it is better to wriggle and not to be stubborn because it would force the hand even more. You may even think about changing your job or alerting your boss to the problems there are, although very often the narcissist colleague will have been good at making you look bad to your boss. That’s why it’s always best to have evidence to expose him before you talk!

Narcissistic Boss: Taking orders becomes increasingly difficult

But the pathological narcissist at work might as well be your boss. Here things get much more serious, usually these people tend to make life very difficult for their employees, to delude them to make them achieve their purpose or worse still treat them as if they were worth nothing.

They will give importance to employees who fight to get the attention of the boss and will put aside those who challenge them, in some cases even doing unpleasant mischief. To avoid feeding this kind of relationship too much, it would be better to avoid dealing with it.

The ideal would be to make sure that it is the people who are so eager to like him to completely attract his attention, who like you does not want to have anything to do with it, could think of isolating himself and let him simply get bored of teasing you. In most cases, it works.

In the most extreme cases, however, consideration should be given to the idea of changing location or even working position.

Narcissistic Woman: She too has her secrets

The narcissistic woman knows how to hide well but despite everything manages to be a great hunter. Perhaps even more than the man. This kind of women show themselves as very seductive, nice, extremely kind and able to conquer anyone who happens to him.

In reality, instead, they are clever liars who are only looking for a partner to treat as a subject. They love attention and even more to have someone who fulfills their every wish. Unlike men, however, they do not discard their prey, often they stop at the phase of devaluation.

This way they will always have someone ready to show themselves available to their requests. Here it will be the victim in question who realizes how impossible it is to have such a relationship and take the responsibility to end the relationship. Surely they will try to return, but you have to be strong enough to turn the page completely.

Ultimately… how to defend against a manipulative narcissist?

If you had the patience to read this very long article you will have realized that to destabilize a completely manipulative narcissist you will have to commit to keep him away, not to give him confidence and in the most extreme cases ask for help from a psychologist or at least a friend who is able to give you a different opinion that could help you and make a difference.

There are also other techniques to use with this kind of emotional manipulators. Including the famous technique of no contact which consists in blocking any form of contact with narcissists. This can only be implemented in certain situations though, you can hardly apply it with a narcissistic parent.

Also, the non-contact technique is a double-edged weapon because if done incorrectly, it could convey to the narcissist the feeling of having much more control than he already has. For example, by closing any form of relationship and then, because of emotional dependence, the return could turn into a signal of need rather than independence and the manipulative narcissist would really enjoy it.

Alternatively, if you want to try the no contact technique limiting the damage, you can do it gradually. So avoiding to block any form of contact instantly but making it one step at a time. Maybe instead of blocking it on social media, you could try to hide the profile and instead of blocking it on WhatsApp you could think of silencing the number.

It may happen that after you have implemented these kinds of strategies you still feel in a cage. In this case, it becomes appropriate to ask for help from an expert in the field that could save time by making you find a definitive solution for every case.

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Resources:

• https://thriveworks.com/blog/how-narcissists-control-you/
• https://www.helpguide.org/articles/mental-disorders/narcissistic-personality-disorder.htm
• https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/communication-success/201903/7-ways-narcissists-manipulate-relationships
• https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-recognize-a-narcissist-4164528